Update October 10, 2000, at 8:45 PM.

Good news. Here is a brief report:

• Angiogram: Good. No more AVM.
• EEG: Normal
• Vision: Corrected to 20/40 in right eye. Some double vision.
• Physical Response Speed: Medium
• Swelling: Eye and brain swelling reduced significantly.
• Memory: Give me a minute, I think I remember something.
• Physical Feeling: Awake a little more each day. Some headaches.
• Emotional State: All over the place. Very good today.
• Driving: A few blocks, daytime, light traffic, on good days.
• Doctor Evalutation: Extremely pleased.
• My Evaluation: I'm taking charge of my life. When will I be better?

There are still some deficits:

• Short term memory problems.
• "Head spinning inside my head." You'd have to experience that to understand.
• Thinking processes slow in some areas.
• Minor lack of coordination between right and left sides.
• Easily disoriented.
• Minor stability problems when on feet.
• New, changing, visually rich, or noisy environments may cause sensory overload.
• Some aphasia.
• Difficulty multitasking.
• Poor vision in left eye. Very faint visual ghosts in lower visual field when tired.
• Tire very easily.
• Sensitive to changes in atmospheric pressure.
• Status changes dramatically from day to day.

How am I spending my time?

• Re-establishing contact with friends and relatives.
• Submitted narrative to online AVM support group http://www.westga.edu/~wmaples/avm.html. "Something Wrong In My Brain"
• Answer email from online support group.
• Walking up to 2 miles.
• Researching AVM information.
• Checking out local Traumatic Brain Injury support group.
• Seeing lots of doctors.
• Waiting a lot for a ride.
• Trying to upgrade this web site.
• Trying to read small print or series of numbers. Very time consuming.
• Arguing with Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, and other irritating entities.
• Staring at 4 walls.
• Laughing and crying. Laughing doesn't hurt nearly as much.

I now have a normal angiogram and eeg to post. I will get to that soon. I promise.

Needs:

• Friends to get me out of the house.
• Groceries. Food is more expensive since I can't drive to the lowest priced store, and I only have energy for perpared foods many times.
• Clothes. I've lost a lot of weight. Clothes are worn or fall off.
• People to hug me and tell me they like or love me for what I am, as I am.
• More productive things to do, that I can do.
• A publisher for our book,

I know some of this sounds rather dark. I'm just now learning that most of us go through several stages after surgery. I seem to be following the textbook. It's nice to know I'm responding normally. But I can't pull myslef out of it, and don't want to. I need to go through the whole process. I need to come to terms with the fact that I may never regain all my vision. And that I may not feel like myself for a year, or two, ir ever. The surgery has changed me, and I have to figure out how great (or small) that change is, and who and what I am now. I have to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. And accept the fact that I can't make plans, study for certifications, or anything like that, for quite a while yet. I have to get in touch with my body. I have to try to understand my mind again, even though it's doing new or weird things almost every day.

It's like there's a path ahead that I have to walk. Some places look easy, some hard, some kind of scarey. Don't try to talk me out of it. Don't try to change my mood. I HAVE to make the journey. But if you want to walk beside me , especially over the rough parts, it might help. It's easier to face things with someone, or several someones, at your side.

I've been hearing a lot about how couragious I've been, or what an encouragement. That means a lot to me. But the burden it places on my shoulders is getting a little heavey. I need to put that aside, and just get to where I need to be. I'm determined to make it, and have no doubt I'll do so. I'm going to have to put some burdens aside for a while to do it.

On a lighter side -- you know all those crazy little things you always wanted to do, but were afraid or too embarrassed to do? I'm taking advantage of the fact that I've got a good excuse (brain surgery). I'm getting some of them done. And if you are driving in Boise, and happen to see my car careening down the street toward you, get off the road and behind cover. I'm putting Mr. Toad's wild ride to shame. :-)

The state capitol building is about 20 short blocks up the quiet street I live on. I think I'm going to take my camera into the governor's office and ask to have my picture taken with him. Even though I didn't vote for him. I have time to be persistent. Check back in a couple of weeks, we'll see what happens.